It's been a whilst since I last checked in with this blog. I remember when I used to feel the rise of excitement in my chest, like the words were just about to spill out my mouth and I had to run to the computer and get them down before they were lost forever. I remember when I used to share my precious most inner thoughts on here, like a very public therapy. I remember when writing words and making music used to make me dance. The thought of writing THAT song would set my soul on fire and I would have no option but to run off to a quiet space and pound out the notes on the piano keys.
I haven't felt that for a long time. I am not sure why. Maybe it's all of the goals I have set myself. Maybe it's the lack of truly living my life due to being so busy and therefore not having anything of substance to write about. Maybe I am creatively exhausted. I'm not sure. I know the muse is still around me, somewhere. Every now and then I get a shiver like she is stroking my spine, reminding me to pay attention to her needs and stop demanding from her. This week I felt the muse visit me a few times.
Since Monday 25th June I have been teaching a Songwriting Workshop for the students at Freie Jugendkunstschule Waldenburg in Germany. I watched the students search for the very same muse I am missing. You see, I know her better, but my closeness to her is only as a result of time. I took her for granted and barked orders at her "another album by next year, start now". That's not a healthy relationship. But these students... their eyes are wide open, searching, hoping, hoping, searching and when the muse comes? Excitement! Huge smiles and real humility because they know what they have found is something truly special...
Okay, so! I am open to suggestions but my tactic at the moment is to stop 'doing' my own music for a while and start just 'being' with it. To reconnect with my creative life and prove to the muse I am worth wandering back to. This mean no goals, no deadlines, no reasons for creating other than for creativity. Of course I realise this is not a passive thing, I will be writing every day, reflecting, immersing myself in nature, feeling all the feels, laughing, crying, dancing and living. I need to hang around the places where the muse sings and when she notices me again I will say I am sorry for ever demanding anything from you, please allow me to walk with you today.
That's where I am. I hope wherever you are you are feeling alive. xxx