I find it hard to hide me. I can't gloss over things, if I'm sad I'm sad, if I need to talk I talk and I when I sing my songs I have to sing them true.
I've just played what FEELS like the worst gig in a looooooong time. I'm in a beautiful place, being well looked after and have a room full of ears in front of me if only I had the energy to want to, and try to, ask for their attention, but I don't.
My music needs to scream, it needs to sigh, breathe, be loud and I need to sweat. Now, I'm faced with a huge dining room in a beautiful Scottish hotel but no matter how hard I try, no matter how loud the voice in my head says "talk to them, win them over" I just. Fucking. Can't. I can't. I'm too tired. I'm not in the right place, I'm making excuses? I don't really know.
I don't feel like a singer songwriter, I feel like a rhythm section, I feel like a drum kit smashing hard and loud. I'm in a place where I feel my drum kit would need to be altered. It would be too much, too loud.
I'm faced with a new problem: demographic. I've had to tame myself, my music, my personality a LOT during this tour, for various reasons. Compromise on the integrity of the art I'm trying to make to please (or more just not upset) a particular audience. It's caused some tears tonight and I feel totally done.
The audience I have in front of me has to fit, I'm realising that now. I'm not necessary a controversial artist but I'm also not completely family friendly either and that's just me.
I've just played what FEELS like the worst gig in a looooooong time. I'm in a beautiful place, being well looked after and have a room full of ears in front of me if only I had the energy to want to, and try to, ask for their attention, but I don't.
My music needs to scream, it needs to sigh, breathe, be loud and I need to sweat. Now, I'm faced with a huge dining room in a beautiful Scottish hotel but no matter how hard I try, no matter how loud the voice in my head says "talk to them, win them over" I just. Fucking. Can't. I can't. I'm too tired. I'm not in the right place, I'm making excuses? I don't really know.
I don't feel like a singer songwriter, I feel like a rhythm section, I feel like a drum kit smashing hard and loud. I'm in a place where I feel my drum kit would need to be altered. It would be too much, too loud.
I'm faced with a new problem: demographic. I've had to tame myself, my music, my personality a LOT during this tour, for various reasons. Compromise on the integrity of the art I'm trying to make to please (or more just not upset) a particular audience. It's caused some tears tonight and I feel totally done.
The audience I have in front of me has to fit, I'm realising that now. I'm not necessary a controversial artist but I'm also not completely family friendly either and that's just me.