Shut the fuck up and listen.

I find it hard to hide me.  I can't gloss over things, if I'm sad I'm sad, if I need to talk I talk and I when I sing my songs I have to sing them true. 
I've just played what FEELS like the worst gig in a looooooong time.  I'm in a beautiful place, being well looked after and have a room full of ears in front of me if only I had the energy to want to, and try to, ask for their attention, but I don't.

My music needs to scream, it needs to sigh, breathe, be loud and I need to sweat.  Now, I'm faced with a huge dining room in a beautiful Scottish hotel but no matter how hard I try, no matter how loud the voice in my head says "talk to them, win them over" I just. Fucking. Can't.  I can't.  I'm too tired.  I'm not in the right place, I'm making excuses?  I don't really know.

I don't feel like a singer songwriter, I feel like a rhythm section, I feel like a drum kit smashing hard and loud.  I'm in a place where I feel my drum kit would need to be altered.  It would be too much, too loud.

I'm faced with a new problem: demographic.  I've had to tame myself, my music, my personality a LOT during this tour, for various reasons.  Compromise on the integrity of the art I'm trying to make to please (or more just not upset) a particular audience.  It's caused some tears tonight and I feel totally done.

The audience I have in front of me has to fit, I'm realising that now.  I'm not necessary a controversial artist but I'm also not completely family friendly either and that's just me.  

1 comment

  • Marcus

    Marcus Brum

    Rosie, sorry it's taken a week to read this. I don't see why you're not family friendly. None of your songs are explicit, you don't sing about how's or bitches. Even your album artwork is family friendly. You could have sold out your integrity for 'shock impact' and shown more, or got a naked model in. You didn't, you showed what you wanted for the message you wanted to say. Your music is like that, it is beautiful and not offensive. Sometimes you may need to change your banter, and not swear, but banter is talking and we all change how we talk depending on the environment. But you have to play your music as you want, regardless of the audience.

    Rosie, sorry it's taken a week to read this. I don't see why you're not family friendly. None of your songs are explicit, you don't sing about how's or bitches. Even your album artwork is family friendly. You could have sold out your integrity for 'shock impact' and shown more, or got a naked model in. You didn't, you showed what you wanted for the message you wanted to say. Your music is like that, it is beautiful and not offensive. Sometimes you may need to change your banter, and not swear, but banter is talking and we all change how we talk depending on the environment. But you have to play your music as you want, regardless of the audience.

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