NYE Rosie Ramblings.

So it is the last day of the year.  Time to scrunch up all the bad shit into a big ball, throw it in the bin and rip out a new, fresh, clean sheet of A4 from the note book with the intention of filling this one up with a beautiful, positive story with no mistakes.  Bull shit.

I started this year with an ending.  I woke up on NY Day 2012 in a long term relationship that just wasn't working, we both knew it wasn't working but were too scared, lazy and just too comfortable to finish it.  I am super glad to say we are both still amazing friends and colleagues and get on better than we ever did before.  But it still stung.  Badly.  I needed some help, I had a bruised heart and was looking for friendship, compassion and a little sympathy.  I think we all deserve those things, if we are good people and say to ourselves we are capable of loving others it should start with compassion.  It is not weakness to ask for help.  Living in London is mad enough when life is going smoothly.  I turned to family and was hurt to find that compassion was limited and the friendship I was seeking was no more than inches deep.  SO!  I HAD TO FUCK UP AND DO SOMETHING.

My time with family was limited and although that safety blanket had been pulled from under my feet I knew the contemplation period was over.  I got over my funk, saved up some dosh and moved into the Batcave.  I learned so fucking much from those experiences.  I'd lost myself in that relationship, tried to turn to people I thought I could trust for solace, and was kicked in the teeth.  I found out who I was in a breakdown.   It changed me.  Totally and utterly.  I suppose I developed a list of personal rules from it all, rules I want to follow throughout my life, rules I feel will make me a better person, I will share with you:
  • ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY.  Everything is 100% my own responsibility, how I act, what mood i am in, who I talk to, how I live my life.  Up to me.
  • ALWAYS TRY TO BE A NICE PERSON.  I know it sounds obvious but if more people lived life with a smile, trying not to be rude (even if they are naturally rude, believe me I know some who are).  I want to love myself but how the fuck can I do that before I start loving everyone else?
  • BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.   I needed people to rely on and in actual fact I needed to believe in my ability to CHANGE and LOVE .
  • STOP MOANING.  Quite simple.  But still a hard thing to do, i am still working on this.
  • TOLERATE EVERYONE.  Telling people to shut up is not on.  Humiliating people for a wee laugh (or because you cannot cope with yourself) is not on.  This rule came from the frustration of not really enjoying a certain person but having them deep in my life.  So learning to tolerate them, removing the frustration and trying to communicate without that negative energy inside me has been a blessing!
  • NEVER FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH MUSIC, IT IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. IT WILL BE THERE WHEN NO ONE ELSE WILL.
There are a bunch more but these ones are written in my notebook and I read them regularly.  

After the Spring commotion of 2012, the best and worst year of my life, Summer came.  I met the man of my dreams.  He was playing a guitar and writing a love song.  Swoooon.  And is 6ft 1.   London EXPANDED and became a massive playground instead of this scary dirty city.  The demos began and shall be finished.  The next E.P. is ON ITS WAY.  And I am loving my life.

I hope you are too.  I wish 2013 to bring everyone beauty.  Helps us love better, make new friends and get rid of the dead shit.  THAT is what we should be scrunching up into a ball and discarding.  KEEP the mistakes, KEEP the hurt and pain, KEEP the memories and use them to mould us into better people.  Love each other.

Happy New Year everyone!  Love is the new ROCK AND FUCKING ROLL!

Mucho gingerness.  Rosie x


1 comment

  • Marcus (not the worst bar steward) James

    Marcus (not the worst bar steward) James

    Didn't read this at the time, I think I may have been getting drunk. Anyway sounds like 2012, though painfull, gave you a good perspective and the rewards you deserved for your bravery. May 2013 be everything you hope it will be.

    Didn't read this at the time, I think I may have been getting drunk. Anyway sounds like 2012, though painfull, gave you a good perspective and the rewards you deserved for your bravery. May 2013 be everything you hope it will be.

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